Oh, The Asylum… Is nothing sacred to you? Haven’t you already had enough butchering of blockbuster films with your mockeries like The Hitchhiker, Invasion of the Pod People, or Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies? Are you not satiated by all of the Sharknado films you’ve released over the years?
Apparently not because now you’ve decided to tread upon one of the most sacred horror titles in recent memory: Stephen King’s IT.
Yup, you read it correctly. The Asylum is (of course) going to make its own version of IT, which they’ve hilariously titled THAT. I’ve gotta hand it to them… it’s (or should I say, that’s) rather clever.
However, what ISN’T clever is the fact that they’ve decided a clown isn’t scary enough for their meager budget, so why not create a shark/clown hybrid? You can see it for yourself below along with the first bit of artwork.
Directed by Rob Boss and written by Scott Foy, THAT stars Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo, Casper Van Dien, Jaleel White, Tori Spelling, Dustin Diamond, Elizabeth Berkley, Tom Arnold, Eric Roberts as Mayor Bachman, and Gary Busey as THAT. THAT is set for release later in 2017.
Are you ready for this year’s most anticipated mockbuster from the studio that has to put a fucking shark in everything? This is not IT; it’s THAT!
Seven nostalgia-obsessed middle-aged geeks reuniting in their seemingly idyllic small town of Kingston are forced to contend once more with a demonic shark-clown named Nickelbottom, who once terrorized them in their youth and abducted one of their childhood friends, never to be seen again. Meeting a young girl with psychic powers who has just escaped from Nickelbottom’s clutches, they realize their old friend may still be alive and prepare to rescue him by venturing into the sewers to find the portal to “The Downside Up,” the sinister alternate dimension in which Nickelbottom resides.
But the horrifying harlequin that preys upon childhood fears is ready for them, fighting back by making them confront their scariest movie fears growing up: a rabid dog, a driverless car, a pyrotechnic prom queen, horny werecats, a rampaging virtual reality lawnmower, a haunted laundry machine, an angry gypsy armed with a cursed pie, ass-bursting alien worms, and corn — lots and lots of evil corn.